Anyone who’s close to me knows the significance of today’s date. The busyness of the past month has almost too conveniently allowed for the emotions that were expected to accompany today’s would-have-been…’s, should-have-been…’s, could-have-been…’s and wish-it-was…’s, to be masked, shoved aside, because there simply wasn’t time for all that.
There’s time now, though.
And regardless of how far I know I’ve come in the last months, I can’t help but feel sad. Not devastated or depressed. I’m not angry or vengeful. Today, in all honesty, I’m just sad. Sad enough that once the tears were allowed to flow, they just continued. They continue still.
It is taking a great deal of strength not to dwell on seemingly broken promises and unfulfilled dreams. There are different colors associated with today than I had originally envisioned. As hard as I try, God knows I can’t lie and say that it no longer affects me, because it so obviously does -- even if it's only to those most sensitive to me, personally. But I do believe that everyday I get a little closer to where and who I’m supposed to be in spite of, even because of, all that’s associated with today. I hope and pray to get there someday– someday soon– although it does help knowing I am now able to do so with a deeper, more heartfelt understanding that the journey is just as critical as the destination.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
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3 comments:
Anna,
I know, and I love you. You just wait! God will give you a future so good that not even your sweetest dream could think of it. You are the best, and you have the best heart. I love you.
i cried too :(
i thought of you all day, too. and, forgive me for my self-centeredness, but i was also sad for me. at least for a minute or two. then i realized quickly that i don't need any legal document to make you my sister... i'm pretty sure that became official the day i first met you in the st. louis airport.
no matter who you marry, you will always belong to us.
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