making mistakes.

The other day I found out I made a mistake. Not just any old mistake, I made the mother of all mistakes. To say that the mistake was very costly would be an extreme understatement. The chain reaction of the consequences of my error, as simple as it may have appeared to be, was extensive, and it seemed like it just kept becoming more widespread with each additional minute I spent dwelling on it.

Now I know that everyone makes mistakes, and no one's perfect. I'm honestly not trying to be overly-dramatic here. God knows I've had my share of blunders, some more weighty than others. That I am a classic case of imperfection is easy for everyone to see. But I must admit that understanding that people make mistakes is a lot easier to accept when you aren't the one who did something wrong. In this case, I was definitely the one to blame.

My tendency is to be harder on myself than anyone else could ever be. The hardest part for me in this case, though, was not coming to terms with the fact that I did something wrong; rather, it was disappointing two of the people I love most in the world.

The forgiveness and grace they extended to me was nothing short of divine. And in an unexpected way, it made me feel loved, in a different dimension than I already knew they did. Because of all that, there is a tremendous desire to never, ever do it again or to at least avoid the occurrence of another one just like it at all possible costs.

I am grateful today that my mistakes aren't the end of me, or my confidence. Instead, these mistakes (this one in particular) have given me opportunity to learn, to grow in ways I wouldn’t have been able to if not for them. Not to say that I didn’t shed swimming pools of tears, because I definitely did. I’ll likely cry some more with my next big blunder. But I choose not to focus on the things I messed up or that which I could possible do wrong. I can’t promise to live a life free of mistakes, but I can promise to always endeavor to learn from them, especially those that are all mine.