after His heart.

So I'm taking this class.  Before I even got to the first meeting, I had already spent hours and hours (at least that's what it felt like!) debating with myself about whether or not I should sign up for it.  After all, I had already been through one go round; what purpose would it serve, considering where I am right now physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, even relationally, to take it again or even to take it now?

 

Not having any of that entirely settled in my mind or my heart, I went ahead and committed to attending the class, also agreeing to serve in whatever leadership capacity I was needed.  Somehow I weighed what I would possibly miss if I didn't take the class against what damage could result if I didn't.  In the end there was enough to convince me that signing up was the right thing to do.

 

And still, come Thursday night, there I was going through the motions – helping with registration, listening to women give their testimonies – when really all I could think of was: I don't know what I'm doing here… why am I taking this class again… how could this be the right thing to do?…

 

I don't think I'll ever fully understand how even just sitting through the introduction brought a surge of emotions that seemed to have been stored within me.  I started to feel extremely vulnerable and insecure, and my need to trust Him surfaced to the forefront once again.  I'm entering this session with a different perspective and more experiences than I started with last time.  It appears that God, who is undoubtedly at work here, is not yet done with me.  With this just being the first class of my second run through, He must just be getting started.  When He's done, though, someday, I hope that I, too, will have a story of my own worth sharing.