Lately I've been feeling as if most of my life is being lived vicariously through others, their ups and downs, their exploits and challenges, their joys and tears... I can't help but wonder what's MY story? When everyone else is taken out of the picture, what is left that's my own? Is it a story worth telling? worth sharing? worthwhile? And if it were ever to be categorized, would it be considered history? adventure? fantasy?
Growing up I always wanted to be an example people could follow. I wanted to be able to say 'live like me' or 'be encouraged by how I've followed the path carved out for me'. Right now, though, I'm not sure I can say that and be convinced, let alone be convincing. This past year, although not in its entirety, has been extremely difficult and trying, turning out completely different than how I thought it would be at the beginning. I got disoriented and couldn't understand how and why my journey had taken such a rocky, painful turn. Some re-orientation was definitely called for. In the process, I came to realize that what I really do not want is for the happenings of 2008 to be the climax that defines the story that is my life. I don't want 2008 to be the part that is on permanent repeat that I can't move on from. I don't want this to be it. I don't want to belittle it, either, because it all was undeniably significant to me - perhaps even worth a chapter or five. Still, I fervently plead that it won't be my entire story.
There's so much more that I still want to do and experience. There are so many people I still would like to get to know. There are so many other places I've never been that I still wish to explore. Not only that, there is also a strong stirring inside tells me that I don't want to just be a mass of potential; I want all the potential to eventually be realized. I'm praying this process has already gotten started and that it will steadily continue on its way. Because more than anything, and more than ever, I'm still hoping for my happy ending.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
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5 comments:
you will have many, many happy beginnings and endings... this is not the climax! it was i don't want to say "just" another year, but yeah.. just another year. maybe to you things were rocky and painful in some areas of your life, but to me you were and are an amazing light that i look to often and love so much! 2008 has been completley different for me than i thought it would be as well. i don't know why i even try to guess...
i think your story is different for everyone you meet. to me, you are one of the best friends i've ever had! you are 100% an example i can follow and you have been an amazing encouragement. i wish i could write all day on how much you mean to me. but just know you do, and that i love you with all of my heart!
:) Someone once told you "you will live a life that others only dream of..." and i believe what He said is TRUE.
2008, although painful, was a year to mark the strength in you that you thought you never had. a strength to believe - despite trials, to hope - despite heartbreak, to love and forgive despite pain.
looks to me like 2008 made you more like Jesus in every way...and that alone, makes your life worth emulating. i know that in being my friend, you have taught me how to live just by showing me how freeing it is to love with a pure heart.
i look to you and i want what you got dear "righteous one" ;) LOL i just had to throw that in there!
the best is yet to come anna...im believing that for you and i know HE DON'T LIE:)
I have been trying to think of something to say and I've rewritten too many times to count.
You ARE an example to me. Your patience, grace, and trust in the Lord during all this has put courage in me. And what's funny is that you're only just starting to fully realize the woman that God's pulling OUT into the open that is already on the inside.
I count it a privelage to call you my friend...my sister. I know that I will continue to be impressed with the stories God has for each of us through your life.
Love you. :>
Anna, I know you will have your happy ending!! It is hard to have a desire and God to have us wait. Being patient and waiting on God is definately a work in progress for me.
He always works everything out for our good. He has only the best in store for us at all times.
Anna, this is not near the end of your journey. Your journey is going to be SO GREAT and I am blessed that I will get to see it. I am so thankful to have gotten to know you. You do live by example. You are someone who I want to live like and learn by. (Luckily I work with you so I can suck it all out of you daily ;) You are such an amazing women of God and I am SO blessed to have you as a friend.
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