i choose life.

No, nobody died. No one was diagnosed to be terminally ill. No threat of being imprisoned, either. Nothing like that. And yet I realize that the last few months have been the hardest I’ve had to live.

My heart was broken… shattered into a million pieces. My confidence was crushed. My faith was wounded; my spirit sapped of strength. And it hurt – far greater than I’ve ever hurt in my life. It seemed like nothing could make it better, and no one had any answers.

I continue to wrestle with so many thoughts and feelings – of stupidity, of betrayal, of inadequacy, of anger, of mistrust and of so much more. But after all is said and done, my constant prayer is just that my heart would not be hardened. I know I can't keep carrying the heavy, overwhelming weight of rejection around. That's not who I am; it’s definitely not the person I want to be.

So, amidst all this pain and confusion, I choose life. I choose living it to the best that the complicated circumstances surrounding me allow. I also choose forgiveness, knowing that it takes deliberate effort to let go of every last morsel of offense in order to move on. Finally, I choose love, because it is essential in anchoring me to my God as I embark on this journey towards healing.